Our Windows Are Soul Shaped
by JustSayNoToPants
Summary: Axel's probably trying way too hard to impress the kid who never stops having sex; and though his mind is warning against him getting in too deep, he knows he already is. Axel/Roxas for Valentines Day 2011 3


Happy Valentines day! Have some smut 3

AN: I realized this got out of hand when I had written 2,500 words of straight porn and I was only half way done the scene. It should be noted that this fic has been in the works since 2007, when I was just a wee child (it's amazing how fast you grow up). It originally started with my own characters (and it was het on top of that), but after a year of working on it I was introduced to Kingdom Hearts, and I found Axel and Roxas, and it just worked. It's the first AkuRoku fiction I've ever written (though not the first I've ever finished), and so far it's the one that's given me the most hassle (just over three years, phwoar). After a thousand, thousand overhauls, it's finally ready to be given to the masses. Which is, to say, all of the yaoi fangirls and boys. Enjoy!

P.S. OH, DAT DRAMA! :D

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the outrageously long porn. Kingdom Hearts own the boys; and the poem (and therefore the title) is from callItaRitual on deviantArt. The plot line (or the beginning of it, anyway) is based off the real life experiences of a close friend who has satyriasis. He did not, however, get Axel as a boyfriend, or go to Thailand, soul searching excursion or otherwise. So, really, all I did was rip off ideas from people and string some words together and add hilarious amounts of drama. And porn. That's all, folks.

Warnings: Angst showers, gross amounts of drama, cheesiness, boy sex, mentions of het sex, prostitution, near violent temper tantrums, random use of dictionary definitions, the longest porn scene I have ever written, and Axel's overuse of pet names, particularly 'babe'. You have been warned.

sa-tyr [**sey**-ter]

_Greek Mythology_ a half man, half goat creature, known for chasing nymphs.

a man who has strong sexual desires.

The first time Axel met Roxas, he was balls deep inside a girl with long, dark hair and massive breasts. Larxene cackled while introducing them, grin widening the darker Axel's blush became. Roxas gave nothing but a nod of acknowledgement before going back to thrusting.

Axel watched the slightly sweat curve of his back, the swell of his ass, the muscles in his shoulders bunching. He wanted to know if that blond hair was as soft as it looked, wanted to taste that bowed, pink mouth and it's smirk. When he looked up at mischievously flashing eyes, he knew he was hooked.

He stumbled out of the room as fast as his fumbling feet would take him, Larxene's laugh and a low chuckle following him.

The second time Axel met Roxas, not even two hours later, he was balls deep inside a boy with strangely styled, dirty blond hair and Caribbean blue eyes clouded in ecstasy. The honey blond gave him a wicked grin, his dark blue eyes flashing.

"We just keep meeting like this, don't we?" His voice was strangely steady for someone having sex, and Axel could feel his face heating up. Same room, same bed, same position, yet a different person. It was like the kid had them lining up to be fucked by him, and he was getting paid by the hour.

He fled the room once again, his reason as to _why _he was in the room to begin with fleeing into the fuzzy edges of his drunken mind. Falling over his feet, he crashed into the bathroom, slamming the door behind him and pulling out his aching cock. He touched himself desperately, hand clenched hard around his rigid length, closing his eyes only to see that body, muscles rippling, blond hair and lips curved up into a smirk.

He came pathetically quickly, with a hoarse cry, and collapsed against the door, breathing hard. Wiped the beginnings of sweat off of his forehead, cleaned himself off on a damp towel he picked up out of the bathtub, and went out to join the rest of the party once again.

Seven tequila shots later, Axel's slightly fuzzy edges turned into goo. Goo that thought it would be a fucking _grand_ idea to set some alcohol on fire.

Twelve tequila shots and two rather singed palms later, Axel realized Roxas had come out of his little boudoir. And was laughing rather hard at him. Now, a confident sober Axel turned into a downright _cocky_ drunk Axel. He turned to the shorter man with a grin that was one lip curl away from being a smirk.

"Ya know, if you still wanna, you can spear yourself on _my_ cock, too," he slurred. A quick, sharp laugh.

"Sweetheart, it won't be me getting fucked. _I_ top. End of story." The grin never left the blond's face. Axel made a noncommittal sound, shrugging his shoulders and turning back to his tequila.

Nineteen tequila shots later, Axel was pulling Roxas up the stairs, to that _god forsaken_ room, lips colliding messily and his numb fingers finally, _finally_ running through that golden head of hair.

Axel woke up ten hours later, his head pulsating in pain, blinking blearily at the unfamiliar surroundings. He laid there, trying to push away the imminent hang over, groggily searching for his cell, when he realized he was naked.

He remembered blond and blue and smirking pink lips, and shot up into a sitting position. Only to collapse with a moan and a thin wrist over his eyes, blocking the noontime sunlight; in turn to be forced to the en suite bathroom as a wave of nausea broke over his head and climbed his throat.

It wasn't until his body had stopped it's convulsing on the cool, tiled floor in front of the toilet that he found, quite happily, that no, he hadn't been the bottom last night. He slowly shuffled back to the rumpled bed, to see a piece of paper with thick Sharpie scrawled across it. He rubbed his eyes and picked it up.

_Next time you're feeling it, and you're not going to pass out five minutes in, give me a call. _

_ 555-1308_

_ -Roxas_

~x~

Three days later, when he had finally gotten over a. his hangover and b. his embarrassment, he picked up his cell and dialed Roxas' number. When he heard an audible click that meant someone had, indeed, answered the phone, he had to fight the urge to hang up. Ten seconds and some rustling later, a very groggy voice came over the ear piece.

"...What?" Even though it was very tired and hostile sounding, Axel's chest tightened at the sound of his voice. Flashes of naked skin and blond hair flooded his mind.

"Hey, Roxas. Sleeping in, buddy?" He asked, but not before swallowing hard to wet his suddenly dry throat.

"I'm not sleeping in, it's only..." A pause, some more rustling, which Axel had supposed was blankets. "All right, I might be sleeping in a bit. Is this Axel?"

"Yeah, you got it," he chuckled, still slightly nervous that the boy on the other end of the phone might hang up.

"Cool. What's up?" Ten minutes later, Axel snapped his cell phone shut with a grin on his lips and a date that night.

~x~

Two weeks and nine dates later, Axel decided to surprise Roxas and go over to his place unannounced (Roxas _himself_ had said he liked guys who took initiative). He was in the midst of buzzing up to Roxas' apartment for the second time when he figured he wasn't home, when he came over the speaker, sounding winded.

"Yeah?" Axel could hear his panting.

"It's Axel, thought I'd come over and if you weren't doing anything, we could hang." When Roxas laughed, it sounded strangled and forced and a little bit helpless.

"Uh, well, right now probably isn't the best time-Hey!" The sounds of a slight scuffle, and then another voice came over the speaker.

"We're actually trying to have sex right now, so if you wouldn't _mind_, you could call him out on a play date in a couple hours." The voice was feminine and angry - and then the call cut out and Axel was left standing outside, shock written into his features and frustration bubbling up his esophagus. After the shock fled and was replaced with fury, Axel stomped down the three steps and headed down the street, using his anger to keep his throat from constricting around the lump of God-knows-what that had found itself there.

After a block and a half, Roxas caught up to him, breath coming in hard puffs and wearing nothing but cotton boxers. He grabbed the older man's arm, spinning him so they faced each other.

"Why are you so mad, Axel?" Axel blanched, mouth falling open.

"_Why_? I thought we were fucking_ dating_, Roxas! Then I show up and you're raw dogging some random chick? I guess I should've fucking _called_ first," Axel snarled, turning to stalk off. Roxas' grip on his forearm tightened exponentially.

"We are _not_ dating, Axel. Yeah, we've _went_ on dates, but I never agreed to dating. I don't go steady with _anyone_." His last statement caught Axel off guard, enough so that he forgot about his anger for a moment.

"Wait, why not?" He asked, and Roxas rolled his eyes.

"This is not the time _or_ the place to be talking about this. I'm wearing nothing and I smell like a dead animal. Meet me at the coffee shop on West 3rd and 5th in an hour." When Axel agreed, Roxas rushed back to his apartment complex, leaving Axel utterly confused and frustrated on the sidewalk.

sa-ty-ri-a-sis [sey-t_uh_-**rahy**-_uh_-sis]

a neurotic condition in men which the symptoms are a compulsion to have sexual intercourse with as many people as possible and an inability to have lasting relationships with them.

Exactly fifty-two minutes later, Axel found himself with his hands wrapped around a warm latte, while Roxas nursed a chai tea directly across from him. Axel broke the silence.

"I want to date you," he blurted out loudly. "Exclusively." Roxas didn't even look him in the eyes.

"No." A tense moment passed.

"That's just it, 'No'? Why not? I want to be with you," Axel said, brows furrowing and that pesky lump in his throat growing twice the size.

"I can't have a relationship."

"Oh, big, bad Roxas is scared of a commitment? If you weren't so wrapped up in yourself and maybe just _tried _to see that I really-"

"Axel, I can't have a relationship. Ever. With anyone," Roxas said, cutting Axel off though his voice wasn't nearly as loud. Axel would have went on with his rant, had he not heard the edge to Roxas' voice. The pained, trapped edge, the sound of someone terrified of being alone. The obstruction in his throat stayed, but the anger fueling him fizzled out. He reached across the small table and lightly brushed Roxas' fingers.

"Rox, why can't you have a relationship?" He asked, voice soft, low, comforting. For the first time since he'd chased Axel down the street, Roxas met his eyes.

"I have satyriasis." The blank look on Axel's face didn't even faze him. "It's a neurosis that makes me want to have sex with everyone and anyone I see, no matter how many times I've fucked that day. I've had it all my life and it's never going away." Axel's short brows pulled together.

"So, like what all of those celebrities in sex rehab have, right?" Axel asked slowly, trying to understand. Roxas just shook his head.

"No, sex rehab is for sex addicts. People get addicted to sex for all kinds of reasons, and there are _tons_ people who have to get therapy for it. Satyriasis is a _disease_ that you're born with, but doesn't show it's symptoms until you've started having sex." Axel just sat there, confusion screwing up his features.

"So you have a healthy sex drive that's stopping you from having a relationship?" Roxas exhaled loudly, crossing his arms. "Rox, I'm just trying to understand." The blond readjusted his position, getting more comfortable, and he started talking.

Roxas was in _love_. The real, heart pounding, pulse racing, insides-turned-to-mush love. Naminé was his everything, his moon and sun and all the constellations wrapped into a little bundle of pale skin and blue eyes.

Roxas was nineteen years old. They had only been together for three months, but he knew she was the _one_.

Their 'honeymoon phase' lasted three months after his realization. When everything was new and beautiful and at the end, finally, _finally_, Naminé decided to sleep with him. It was the best he thought he'd ever have, if painful for her, and when she cried out underneath him, he thought his heart would stop with joy.

Sex wasn't frequent, but when Naminé did concede to it, Roxas would say it was mind blowing, life changing.

That didn't stop Roxas from cheating on her.

At first, it was only in dry spells, when Naminé was tired from school or otherwise not in the mood. Soon, however, it escalated to where he would sneak out of their bed, out of the apartment that still smelled like sex, to get picked up by strange men and women.

Roxas would come home, scrub himself within an inch of his life, cry for hours, and finally crawl back into bed with Naminé, sliding in between sheets that _still_ smelt post coital.

The guilt didn't stop him from going out almost every night, and going home with a different stranger. Naminé slept like the dead, and didn't notice his absence even once.

Nine months after they began dating, three months of cheating and lying and sneaking around, six months after his beautiful realization of _love_, Roxas broke. He told Naminé everything, all the girls and the boys and the STD tests he would get done every other week.

Naminé left him, of course. It didn't matter that she loved him, or that he loved her, or that he'd told her everything. She left him with tears in her eyes and a heart that had been shattered into so many pieces.

That night, Roxas took home two boys at the same time and fucked them both until they fell unconscious from over use.

The next day, Roxas checked himself into a mental hospital. It was almost a relief, when the doctor diagnosed him and prescribed him with five different medications that he couldn't pronounce and six months in the asylum.

He soon realized that the meds didn't directly suppress his symptoms, they just suppressed _everything_. They made him lethargic and drowsy and so fucked up he could barely open his eyes for more than two hours in a day. The doctors played with the dosages, with types of drugs, but everything yielded the same results.

Roxas got high on coke once, in the basement with his older brother Cloud and his friends. He had hated it. He likened his prescription to coke, the disjointed, floating feeling and wanting to do fuck all.

His parents came to visit a few times, and his mother always left crying. His brother and his grandparents and his friends from his job and from high school came to visit him. Hayner thought that it was the coolest disease in the world, and Roxas was so fucked on medication that he couldn't explain how much it really and truly _sucked_. Naminé even visited him, one time, and told him that she understood, now. It wasn't his fault.

When Roxas looked hopeful, she told him straight out that they couldn't be together, no matter how much he wanted them to be. He had hurt her and she couldn't put herself through that again, not even if it wasn't his fault. After Naminé's visit, Roxas cried, and cried, and sobbed, and vomited, and cried some more. When he was finished, he was hard, callus, unfeeling. Something broke inside of him, and it left him apathetic and cruel.

He couldn't control himself, he couldn't hold back his cravings without the help of meds that left him fucked for days. No amount or strength of will could stop himself, he couldn't be with the girl he'd fallen in love with.

He could own it, though. He would take the very thing he despised about himself and use it until he couldn't remember love or respect for himself.

When his six month sentence finally came to an end, the first thing he did was stop taking the drugs. He would rather be a sex fiend than a brainless droid.

If it meant that he would be alone for the rest of his life, so be it.

Axel's half finished latte was cold between his hands, but it didn't even register as he gazed at Roxas. The man was looking at him with a set jaw, and a cold glint in his eyes, as if by saying the story out loud he had validated his lifestyle to himself all over again. The blond started to stand up, and Axel reached out, wrapping his long fingers around Roxas' wrist.

"Then why?" Axel asked, voice low. It was Roxas' turn to look confused.

"Why what?" He asked slowly, carefully.

"Why would you spend so much time on me if all you're looking for is one night stands?" Axel wasn't harsh, just honest, inquisitive.

"We almost had sex-" Roxas began, scoffing, but Axel cut him short.

"Almost, yeah, but we didn't. Why would you go on _dates_ with me when all you want is a fuck?" The stony glint in Roxas' eyes dimmed, a well worn scrap of hope shining through.

"Be my boyfriend, Rox, just for a little bit. It'll be like a probation, and if you don't like it, you can leave, no questions asked." Indecision flashed in Roxas' blue, blue eyes, he chewed at his lower lip, he looked down at the grimy floor. He finally caught Axel's eyes and said:

"No."

Ten minutes later, Axel was still sitting at the table, staring into his cold cup of coffee.

~x~

Only two days had passed when Roxas called Axel. It was a quick phone call, but somehow, Roxas managed to apologize _and_ set up a date for the next night. Axel lounged on his couch, cell in hand, wondering if he should call and cancel, or ask what the hell Roxas was playing at.

He went, just as he knew he would.

~x~

Over the following months, Axel and Roxas formed a strange, yet strong friendship. Axel would go hang out with Roxas before work on both young men's parts, they would watch movies in the blond's apartment or play video games at the redhead's or go out for walks and, as the weather got colder, coffee.

On the day of the first snowfall, the two men bundled up in scarves and mittens and jackets, then went to the park. Roxas insisted they build a snowman, and then Axel started a snowball fight between the two of them. Roxas ended it by tackling Axel to the ground, giving him a face wash and shoving snow down his coat and pants. When they went back to Roxas' apartment, the redhead was shivering and wet, his teeth chattering so hard that he when he spoke, Roxas could barely understand him. So, Roxas made him soup and hot chocolate and made him change into a pair of the blond's sweatpants and wrap up in a huge blanket until his limbs stopped shaking.

For four months, they did very boy-friendly things. In fact, an outside observer might even say that they _were_ boyfriends. Roxas, being the hopeless romantic he refused to believe he was, made them fancy dinners lit by candles and drank bottle after bottle of wine together.

It was driving Axel completely insane. He wanted so badly for Roxas to let him _love_ him the way he wanted to, wanted to kiss and touch and hold him. However, he held back, catching himself every time his body tried to betray him by stroking a cheek, kissing a bare shoulder, pushing him against the wall and just fucking _ravishing_ him.

And Roxas, he knew _exactly_ what he was doing to Axel, because he was doing it to himself as well. At first, he though that he only wanted to fuck him because of his condition. He found himself taking home men instead of women, men with long hair, men with green eyes, tall men with muscular bodies. He would squint or close his eyes and think of malachite eyes flashing with lust and big, strong hands stroking his sides. He would imagine Axel and moan his name and _wish_ it was him.

However, he soon found out that he didn't just want to fuck him, he wanted to _be_ with him. Being around the redhead made his heart expand, made his hands sweat and tremble, and before he knew it, Roxas was in _love_ again.

Axel and Roxas never made solid plans. It was a normal day, slightly colder than most, though, so they had sought shelter in Axel's apartment. To warm the place up, Roxas had decided tocook Axel pizza, homemade from _scratch_ pizza, and make tea. The windows began to fog up, and Axel soon became too warm to be comfortable.

"Axel, what the hell are you doing, put your shirt back on." Roxas deadpanned from the kitchen, looking at the redhead playing Call Of Duty on the big screen T.V.

"Roxaaas," Axel whined, "it's way too hot in here to wear it! You know me, I run on high heat mode constantly!" Roxas didn't reply, just watched that gorgeous body stand and _stretch_, his skin taut over a wide, muscled chest, a toned stomach, and slightly-flaring-yet-still-narrow hips. Axel was putting his shirt back on, all right, as slowly and seductively as he could. His eyes glued to the fine red hair on his stomach, reaching down, down, and he wanted to _lick_ it, he wanted to take the taller man as his own, to claim him, _possess_ him.

"Like what ya see, Rox?" Axel asked, his voice low and sultry and _gods_ he did, he just wanted to pull Axel on top of him and have his naughty way with him...

Suddenly, Axel was in front of him, looking down at him with glittering, green eyes and a wolfish grin that would make fathers worry about their daughters. He wrapped the blond in his arms and tugged him into his chest, leaning down towards those lips...

"Ax, don't," Roxas said, voice soft and broken, pushing Axel's clothed chest with his forearms, when in his head, he wanted Axel to do _anything_ but stop. It was a stroke of luck that the redhead had put his shirt back on, because if Axel had done this without it, pressed his bare skin against the blond, he wouldn't have been able to resist.

"Why?" Axel murmured in his ear, nose brushing the very edge and making Roxas shiver.

"You know why, jerk. You know what's wrong with me." Roxas was quickly fighting tears, pushing Axel's chest a bit harder, but still _barely _even trying.

"You might have a problem, Rox, but that sure as hell isn't your fault, and I don't think you need to punish yourself over it." Roxas pushed Axel's arms away from him, backing up. Axel's face fell.

"Do you not want to be with me at all, Roxas? Don't you like me?" Axel asked quietly, head down and looking off to the side, one hand across his stomach and holding his opposite arm straight against his side. He looked so forlorn and lonely, and it absolutely infuriated the blond.

"No, Axel, you don't fucking understand! I fucking _love_ you! That's _why_ I can't be with you! I'll take you and everything I love about you and ruin you, just I fucking destroyed Naminé and I!" The glossiness of Roxas' eyes had built up until tears were cascading down his face, which was contorted in a look of anguish. Axel went from lonely to desperately angry in a matter of seconds. He stepped forward and grasped the blond's shoulders.

"You can't keep hiding from me like this, Roxas! How can you not see the differences between Naminé and I? I, unlike Naminé, _know_ you have a problem! Now _you_ know what's wrong with you! You won't have to let it fester, you can _tell me_!" Axel's hands squeezed Roxas' shoulders, a silent plea for him to _trust_ the redhead.

"This isn't-it isn't just about _you_, Axel! Do you have any idea how much it _hurts _me to think about me cheating on you? And I will, Ax, there's no _'oh, we can make it work, don't worry'_! I _will_ cheat on you, Axel, I **will**, and I'll fucking _hate_ myself for it! It'll destroy me!" Roxas was desperately trying to pull away, head down, refusing to look at the other man. Axel just tightened his grip.

"You think that that'll destroy you, Rox? You think that you can fuck _everyone_ you want with _no_ emotional ties and come out _fine_? And what about me, huh? You think being with me will hurt me more, but how do you think hanging out with you _every fucking day_ and having you ditch me at clubs and parties so you can screw someone you've never met before and will probably never talk to ever again makes me feel? You'll give me all of yourself, you spend all of your free time with _me_, but you won't even _touch_ me?" Axel lifted Roxas' chin, forced the blond to look into his eyes.

"Don't make this about yourself, Axel," Roxas muttered, trying hard to glare at the malachite eyes staring at him with such adoration, such _pain_, and failing. "If it hurts you that bad, I'll leave."

"If I don't want you to?" Axel asked, voice soft, panic rising in his eyes, breath quickening.

"I will anyway. I don't want you to hurt anymore,not _ever_." Tears began falling rapidly out of the redhead's eyes, sliding down his neck and under the collar of his T-shirt and Roxas _wanted_ so _fucking_ badly to follow them, to map out Axel's body and make him scream and beg and _come _and then hold him and kiss him and just be _there_ with him.

"You're so precious to me, Axel. You're like a blessing that I never asked for, a miracle that I never _hoped_ for. I want to protect you, keep you safe, even if it means I have to keep _myself_ away from you. If I let myself be with you, I'll take _everything_ from you. I'll rot you from the inside out, Axel, and I _can't do that_ to you."

"_Roxas_," Axel whispered, his name a broken sob on the air. The blond couldn't stand it. Before he had consciously made the decision, he was leaning forward and kissing the quietly crying redhead.

Roxas wrapped his arms around his neck, burying his hands in coarse, impossibly red hair, the kiss turning frantic within seconds. Axel sighed in surprise and content, relaxing instantly under the smaller man's touch and twining his arms around the blond's waist.

Roxas felt something inside him crack, and the next thing he knew, he was melting into Axel, clenching his fists around the fabric of his shirt, sobbing into his collarbone. Big, warm hands smoothed down his back, gently held his hips, ran up his chest and cupped his face.

"Shhh, Rox, don't cry..." Axel kissed his eyelids, his temples, his cheekbones, and Roxas wept as though his heart was breaking.

"I-I'm so _selfish_! I'm s-sorry, A-Axel... I sh-shouldn't be doing this t-to you..." Axel mouthed up the column of his neck, nibbling on his jaw.

"Yes, you should. And if you try to turn back now, by god, _Roxas_..." he trailed off on his threat, whispering the blond's name like a prayer.

"I-I love you, Ax. You're everything." Roxas' tears and sobs were gone, but his limbs were still trembling, fisting the taller man's shirt like Axel would leave him if he let go. Axel buried his face in the blond's hair, breathing in deeply and _shuddered_.

"God, Rox, say it _again_," he choked out, arms tightening around his waist.

"I love you, Axel, so much," the blond said softly, breath hitching.

"I love you, too, Rox. Wanna be my boyfriend?" Axel's nonchalance made Roxas laugh, a watery, half sad sound. He brushed his nose against Axel's, and his lips twitched up into a small smile.

"Yeah, I think I do."

~x~

Roxas wasn't sure what was going through his mind, but he was _surprised _when Axel showed up at his apartment the next afternoon. He was just laying in his bed, dozing off, having nothing to do until his shift at _Shriek_ started at nine that night. Suddenly, the phone rang, and he thought about letting it continue ringing before realizing it was probably Axel calling to talk about...whatever boyfriends talked about.

_Boyfriends_. Roxas never thought he would ever be in a relationship with someone who _knew_ about his condition. His lips curved up in a sleepy smile as he grabbed for the phone.

"Hello?" He asked, voice thick with sleep.

"Hey, Rox, let me up!" Roxas blanched, eyes going wide.

"Wait, you're outside?" He blurted, sounding panicked.

"Uh, yeah, why? Got a house guest I should know about?" Axel sounded indifferent, and Roxas should have known that _that_ would have been what it had sounded like.

"No, no, but hold on a sec, okay?" He didn't even wait for an affirmation before he dropped the phone onto his comforter and raced to the bathroom, looking at his bed head in horror before turning the sink on and trying to fix his hair with damp fingers. When his hair was halfway to respectable, he shoved his toothbrush in his mouth and ran out to check on the state of his apartment.

He ran through his checklist as he furiously brushed his teeth (no condoms or condom wrappers on the floor, no food on the coffee table, no dishes in the sink...) and when he decided his apartment was free of any disgusting and/or questionable detritus, he ran back to his room.

"Ax, are you still there?" His voice was muffled with the toothbrush and sounding frantic.

"Yeah, but if this isn't, like, a good _time_, I can come-" Roxas cut off the rest of his sentence by buzzing him in.

When Roxas calculated in the couple moments Axel would be confused, he found he had at least three minutes to rinse out his mouth, wash his face, and find something cute to wear before the redhead made it up to his floor.

When Axel knocked on the door, Roxas was just yanking his jeans up his hips.

"Hold on, I'll be right there!" He hollered, shoving his head through the long sleeved thermal he had grabbed off of the floor in his closet. He bounded to the door and threw it open, to see Axel's slightly concerned face. He stood there, in faded jeans with the knees tore out of them, a black wool peacoat, and a scarf that reminded Roxas of autumn, looking effortlessly sexy.

The concern melted into amusement and he broke into a goofy grin.

"Just wake up, babe?" He asked, leaning against the door jamb with his arms crossed. Roxas felt his face heat up.

"Uh, no, what are you-" Roxas cut himself off as Axel leaned in and tugged on the tag of his shirt, which was not only backwards, but inside out. Roxas scowled, pulling away from the redhead, who let himself in and shut the door behind him, chuckling.

"Shut up." This caused a loud, rumbling laugh to erupt from Axel's throat, but it soon trailed off into a slightly strangled sound when Roxas pulled off his shirt to fix it, face still burning. He was just about to yank it back on when Axel, gently, took the shirt out of his hands and wrapped his arms around the blond's naked waist.

"Mm, I think I might like this a bit better," he murmured, leaning in and capturing Roxas' lips with his own. The blond stood, stock still, for only a moment, when he wrapped bare arms around the painfully _clothed_ redhead. The taller man's coat was slightly itchy against his bare chest and abdomen, so Roxas quickly remedied this fact by unbuttoning the jacket with deft hands and sliding it off, along with the scarf. Axel walked backwards, pulling the blond along until the backs of Axel's legs hit the arm of the couch. He let himself fall backwards, taking Roxas with him, and they landed on the couch with a muffled thump and slightly nervous laughter from the shorter man.

Roxas reconnected their lips and threaded one of his hands through spikes rough with hair product, tugging lightly and eliciting a soft noise. His other hand found Axel's, and he joined their fingers at the same time that he slipped his tongue out to slowly, hesitantly, run across Axel's bottom lip. Axel playfully nipped at Roxas' mouth, grinning wolfishly before diving in again, opening his mouth and letting Roxas push his tongue in. Axel ran long fingers up and down Roxas' spine, scraping his nails lightly at the exposed skin. The blond shivered faintly, moving his hand from Axel's hair to his slender neck, running his thumb along his narrow jaw. It wasn't until Axel started sliding his own shirt off that Roxas broke the kiss.

"We should stop," Roxas whispered against Axel's kiss swollen lips, breathing heavy. "We should slow down."

"Why, Rox? Maybe I just need to wear you out so you won't want anyone else," Axel murmured, smiling and moving to nibble along Roxas' throat. The blond bit his own lip, squeezing his eyes shut.

"Ax, if you don't stop, I'm going to fuck you into the couch," Roxas said, voice stronger.

"Mm, maybe that's _exactly_ what I want," Axel said, lips still pressed against Roxas' skin, and all the blond's will broke with an almost audible _snap_! Roxas growled, pushing Axel against the cushions and pulling his shirt off so fast he almost ripped a seam. He moved his mouth to the redhead's exposed chest, biting and licking at his nipples, eliciting moans that Roxas could feel vibrating in Axel's chest. He quickly moved down to that _teasing_ line of red hair, dipping his tongue into Axel's belly button and kissing down to the top of his jeans.

Experienced hands undid the other man's jeans and pulled them off, along with socks, leaving the redhead in nothing but cotton boxers. The blond licked along the clothed erection, straining at the fabric, and suddenly he was pushed back by large, warm hands. Axel's fingers fumbled, but he removed the other's jeans, kissing and licking the insides of his thighs until he got to the edge of his boxer briefs.

Axel teased his lover until he was moaning loudly, barely pausing to breathe in between, taking Roxas' length into his mouth and sucking sharply. It wasn't long until Roxas shoved him off, and it was the redhead's arousal in the flaxen boy's mouth, Axel whimpering and softly crying the other's name.

Roxas prepped Axel with three fingers and a massive amount of citrusy lotion, peppering Axel's stomach and cock with kisses and long, hot licks. He fisted himself with a tight hand, slathering the lubricant over his slightly larger than average length, over the condom, and he positioned himself at Axel's puckered entrance. He leant down, kissing the redhead's neck.

"Are you sure, Ax?" Roxas asked softly, running one fingertip over the tattoo on Axel's high cheekbone, dropping a kiss to the corner of his mouth.

"Sweetheart, if I wasn't sure, you would've known by now," Axel muttered, grinning and biting Roxas' jaw. "Just don't go too fast." Roxas laughed weakly and slowly pressed inside of the taller man. Axel bit his lip, holding back a strangled sound, and Roxas went to work on his neck. It wasn't long before the blond was fully seated inside him, waiting for Axel's body to adjust to the thick intrusion. Their lips caught, and they were kissing deeply, Axel's tongue forcing it's way into Roxas' mouth, teeth clicking by the force of the kiss.

Soon, Axel moved his hips against Roxas, groaning deep within his throat.

"Move, goddamn it." He all but _growled_ it, one arm around the blond's neck, hand in his hair, the other hand held by Roxas, fingered laced, above Axel's head.

Roxas rocked his hips slowly, the hand on Axel's arousal and the lips on Axel's mouth matching his speed. Axel moaned, tiny, soft little gasps surrounding Roxas and making him plunge in faster, eliciting louder sounds. Roxas was, very quickly, fucking Axel like a wild animal, needing more friction, more heat, more _Axel_. He _pounded_ into the redhead's gorgeous body, grabbing the backs of his thighs and pressing the front of them into Axel's chest and _thrusting_, knowing full well he was brushing the man's prostate, snagging it _hard_. Axel was loud now, not like the sexy little whimpers from before, but _screaming_, _begging_ for Roxas, pleading his name loud enough that Roxas was absolutely _sure_ the neighbors could hear them.

Axel came first, his nails digging almost painfully into the blond's biceps, hot white ribbons hitting his own chest and coating Roxas' hand. His muscles clamped down on Roxas, and with a few thrusts, Roxas was coming, as well; hips jerking and head falling forward with pleasure and calling Axel's name, over and _over_ again.

They laid there on the couch, messy and still connected, _deliciously_ connected and so very _close_, until Roxas was forced to pull out, wincing the whole way in his excessively sensitized state, holding the rubber to the base. Long fingers brushed pale, golden hair out of heavily lidded, dark blue eyes, pink lips found a collarbone, kissing lazily. They stayed exactly where they were until it was imperative that Roxas throw out the condom, that they shower the slowly drying come off of their skin, that Roxas go to work and Axel go to write his weekly column for a little known magazine and do homework for deadlines that were ever drawing nearer.

But it was enough, in that moment, to lay in each others arms and let the late afternoon sun warm their exhausted limbs.

~x~

Once Axel and Roxas first had sex, it opened the flood gates. Roxas would take Axel on kitchen tables, bathroom counters, balconies in the middle of the night, their breath coming out in white puffs in the cold winter air. Axel would fuck Roxas on the floor of the living room, against the wall, in change rooms at the mall.

Roxas would give Axel hand jobs in the theater, or under the table at dinner, and Axel would wordlessly pull Roxas into closets or other nooks and crannies and go down on him.

In the beginning, the two of them would take home a boy or a girl from a club who was willing to have threesomes, or at the very least let Axel watch with heavy lidded eyes and a _very_ satisfied smirk. Very rarely did a stranger get tag teamed, it was almost _always_ Roxas in the middle. In the beginning, Roxas would drag Axel out two, three nights a week to find such a person. In the beginning, Roxas loved these nights almost as much as he loved nights with Axel alone.

However, once the trashy glamour started to wear off, Roxas didn't ask Axel to go clubbing with him as often. It was a slow decline, going from three times a week to two times a week to twice every two weeks over a long period. In fact, at first it was nearly imperceptible, the tiny limitations Roxas was unconsciously setting on himself, the force of will he would have to project.

Axel finished school in April with Bachelor of Arts, majoring in Broadcast Journalism and minoring in Creative Writing. By May, he was being fought over by two popular magazines to become a full time writer. In June, one of the magazine editors just gave Axel an offer he really couldn't refuse.

It was a travel magazine, the kind that adventurous young couples and retired tourists alike picked up along with milk and bread at the grocery store. Axel began with writing small articles about domestic tourism, flight prices, which airline was more reliable.

But Axel, being a slight overachiever, quickly moved up the ranks of writers, until he was writing five page articles with full page photos of the exotic flora and fauna, of ruins, of temples. Of course, to write these articles, he would need to go and _experience_, to find out the best places to eat and the best attractions to see. This is where the irresistible offer came into play, because Axel certainly couldn't leave Roxas _alone_ for full weeks at a time. The company had offered not only to send Axel to these beautiful destinations, but _Roxas _as well.

However, Roxas worked, too. Not only was he employed as a bartender at _Shriek_, but he worked part time at a bookstore. After a while, the blond couldn't take any more time off of work, no matter how far ahead he knew Axel's traveling schedule.

The first time Axel was gone for a business trip without Roxas, he bounded home to be with the blond. When he entered the apartment, tripping over his luggage in his excitement, the first thing that registered was the sharp, sweet stink of vomit and gagging, choking sounds from the bathroom. He burst through the door and steam billowed out of the room, the shower as hot as it would go, the water still pounding on the floor though no one was in it.

Roxas was crouched in front of the toilet, tears running down his face and skin red and raw from the hot water, scratch marks visibly noticeable on his arms and torso.

His sobbing only increased when he saw the redhead, causing his vomiting to increase as well. Axel dropped everything he was holding and fell toward him.

"Rox, what's wrong, babe?" He asked, voice low and soft. Roxas' body trembled even further under the other's hands, flinching away. Blue, bloodshot eyes met worried green ones.

"I cheated on you," the blond whispered, before turning and retching violently into the porcelain bowl.

Axel immediately noticed the lack of Roxas in his life. The blond had been ignoring his texts, canceling dates, making plans that absolutely _did not_ involve Axel. Though the redhead had assured Roxas to his best ability that he wasn't mad, that he didn't care, that he _understood_ (which he _did)_, it didn't matter. Roxas had been persistently distancing himself from Axel.

He understood this, too, though he disliked it immensely and _wished_ Roxas would talk to him about it. As much as it hurt the two of them, Roxas cheating was inevitable, and they knew it. So, Axel gave the blond his space, no matter how hard it was. Which was, he realized, one of a string of mistakes he had made, as he dashed through the streets on a particularly gloomy afternoon.

Axel was practically running headfirst into Bookworms, where Roxas would _surely_ be working, after he had called the blond's phone and found it ominously disconnected. Three long strides past the door found him at the counter, staring at a slate haired boy looking like he would rather be choking back arsenic then standing at that particular cash register.

One blue eye rolled up at Axel through the boy's fringe, eyebrow twitching upward fractionally.

"Can I help you?" The kid, his name tag reading 'Zexion', had a tone that was dry and sarcastic and edging on the borders of caustic.

"Yeah, I'm looking for Roxas. I really need to talk to him." At the blond's name, Zexion's eyes went from biting to furious.

"Roxas? That kid's the reason I'm here. Got called in because the asshole decided that he was going to quit out of the blue and take a soul searching trip in _Thailand_, of all places. Why he'd go to fucking Thailand, I'm not quite sure, but-"

"No. No fucking way. Are you sure? Are we even talking about the same Roxas?" Axel was talking before his brain restarted from freezing after the information crashed it, effectively cutting off Zexion's rant.

"Roxas isn't exactly a common name, is it? Short, blond, nothing short of angel-faced and the best lay in the Western Hemisphere? That one? Left for Thailand after his shift yesterday."

"Do you have any idea what city he was headed for?" Axel asked, grasping, desperate.

"Fuck if _I_ know, buddy, as far as I'm concerned, he could be in goddamned _Antarctica_." Axel's long legs shook as he exited the store as quickly as he'd entered it, stopping only to cough up yellow stomach acid in a garbage can on the sidewalk.

After several emergency calls to work, explaining what had happened, of course, Axel was on the first flight to Bangkok, Thailand.

Roxas had to be prostituting himself, he had deduced. In a country where he didn't know the language, therefore couldn't get a job, and with a neurosis like Roxas'? As much as it hurt Axel's heart, there wasn't much else for him to do in Thailand. So Axel started searching the Thai prostitution 'stables'.

Five weeks. Axel had been doing nothing but combing through prostitutes in various Thai cities for five weeks. The sheer amount of people selling themselves through bars or masseuse shops or just off the street was daunting to say the least, but thankfully male prostitutes were much less common than female, and the amount of blond men _willingly_ prostituting themselves Axel could count on one hand. The only good thing about Roxas choosing Thailand was that almost everyone in every stable was Thai or otherwise Asian, and word on blond, male whores travelled fast. This, however, could be seen as a curse just as much as a blessing, because the faster word travelled, the more people would search for his services.

Axel had come across two prostitutes of this description in his entire five week, seven city search. Bangkok had been hard, with so fucking _many_ prostitutes, no one really listening to what he was looking for and shoving teenaged Thai boys toward him because the only words in Thai he knew were 'short', 'man', and 'blond'. He picked up the small amount of Thai he would be using rather quickly, thank god, and was able to ascertain that, no, they didn't have a blond man in their 'stable', but what about this woman, or that one over there?

The first blond he found was, indeed, in Bangkok, in a seedy basement venue that specialized in opiates and lazy, drawn out, drug-laced sex. Axel barreled down the stairs, feeling like a balloon was expanding in his chest and forcing it's way up his throat and causing tears to collect in the corners of his eyes. After a rapid-fire exchange of Thai, the door was opened for him and he was ushered through the door, a cloud of purplish, sweet smoke rising into the humid air and dispersing. The cloying smoke surrounded him, clogging his pores and his nostrils and his tear ducts with it's viscosity.

The bouncer eyed his facial tats, his red hair kinked out from sleeping on it and not showering, the bags under his eyes and the tightness in his lips.

"I want the blond man," Axel ground out in halting Thai, trying not to let the smoke into his mouth, let it film to the roof of his mouth. A small, almost hunched over old man came out and smiled kindly at him before motioning for Axel to follow him. He was led through the main area, tapestries on the walls threadbare and discolored from opium and tobacco, men laying out on pillows on the ground with both men and women attendants holding pipes near their faces, waiting for them to take a hit. Every room he was led through was like a level up in the class spectrum. It upgraded to men on chaise lounges and narrow beds, to large, circular beds full of pillows and multiple attendants for the same customer. The decorations slowly became newer, cleaner, brighter, and Axel was finally led to a wide hallway with embellished doors spaced along the walls.

"It's 7,520 Baht for an hour." The old man's words were clipped, yet kind.

"I want to see him first," Axel said, his Thai slow, still learning which words went with which, as he pulled his wallet out from the front of his jeans. The old man nodded his wizened head, knocking on the gilded door lightly before turning the knob and sweeping into the room.

The room was dim, candle lit, free of the thick opium smoke that clouded the rest of the establishment. He could see a figure laying on a large, four poster bed, hidden from eyesight with thin, glittering fabrics in jewel bright tones. Warm candle light glinted off of oiled up, sparkling flesh; but the balloon in his chest that had threatened to burst began to deflate, leaving Axel hunched in around his rib cage, arms around his torso as if trying to hold himself together.

Too tall, too thin, almost emancipated, with long, dishwater-blond hair pulled back with exorbitant clips. Axel shook his head slowly, fighting the lump in his throat that had replaced the expanding in his chest.

"Sorry. He's not the right one," he muttered, handed the old, silent man 500 Baht for his troubles, and found his own way back through the opium den and out into the ridiculous, heavy heat of the night.

He made it all the way back to his dingy hotel room before he started crying; hot, desperate tears falling down his face, slipping down his collar bones and into his hair. Really, had Axel expected Roxas to make this easy on him? He'd gone all the way to goddamn _Thailand_. Of course he wouldn't stay in Bangkok.

So off Axel went, through Kanchanaburi, across to Ubon Ratchathani, down to Rayong and Ko Chang, visiting every city in between. He thought he'd gotten lucky and found his blond in Nakhon Ratchasima, but when he entered the dingy, dimly lit room and saw the thickly muscled man with blond dreads, his hopes crashed around his ears. At least he hadn't gotten his hopes as high as he had back in Bangkok.

Axel had almost finished searching in Pattaya when he heard about Sunee Plaza, the gay district. He almost didn't go, with no talk of illegal activity and the fact that Roxas was, in fact, bisexual; but when he heard about the 'angelic' blond in one of the cheap but more exclusive clubs from a balding tourist, he found himself trying to calculate the fastest way to get to the Plaza.

Fisting a piece of paper, Axel ran a hand through his knotted hair, heaved a sigh, and stepped into the Happy Boys Bar. He made his way to the back of the bar, multicolored chairs filled with men watching Thai boys dance on low tables, clad in nothing but running shorts with slashes in the fabric and the crotches cut out. The balloon in his chest was back, and growing with every step he took, bigger than it was with the first blond he found. He walked straight to the back of the bar, being stopped by a short Thai dancer speaking with very broken English as he started up the stairs.

"I'm looking for the blond kid," he replied in Thai. The dancer looked relieved at the use of his language and launched into a spiel.

"Sorry, sir, but you actually can't go up their until he's approved you and you've paid his tab," he said, fiddling with his ridiculously short shorts. Axel sighed again, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"How much is he?" Axel breathed out, pulling his wallet out of the waistband of his jeans.

"650 Baht, including the charge for the upstairs room." Axel pulled twice the amount from his wallet and placed it in the boy's hands.

"How about I give you that and I don't have to wait for his 'approval', hm?" Axel asked, letting a ghost of a smile creep on to his face when the kid's eyes roved the redhead's body.

"All right. You look like the type he generally goes for, anyway. It's the third door on the right, but he has a customer right now, so just wait until they're finished." Axel was already headed up the stairs, taking them three at a time with his long legs.

He didn't want to wait, but when he tried the door and it was locked, he knew he would have to. With a sigh, he laid his forehead against the door, and that was when he heard the moaning through the cheap wood. Familiar moans (though less involved than at home, clenching Axel's sheets and covered in sweat and spit and lube) coming from a familiar mouth, being kept away by nothing but three inches of plywood covered in dark blue paint. Frustration welled up as tears and he fought to keep them down, failing and sniffling like a child.

Axel clenched his fists, ground his teeth, did everything he could not to break down the door and get thrown out by the muscle-bound bouncers he'd had to squeeze through to get into the club, most likely without Roxas.

_Roxas_. He'd found him, finally fucking _found_ him, and he was laid out and getting fucked by some random stranger. _Roxas_, with those fathomless, blue eyes, and that smirking, conceited mouth and the groans and laughter Axel could pull from that flawless throat.

The sounds on the other side of the door were getting louder, when suddenly Axel heard the most beautiful, heart-wrenching sound, that made his frustrated tears turn to ones of momentary happiness.

That breathless voice, barely audible, whispering, _pleading_ for him. _Axel, Axel, please... _

But happiness gave way to hopeless frustration once again, and Axel slumped against the wall opposite the door, hands over his mouth as tears dripped quickly over high cheek bones and large hands.

The stranger soon emerged, tall and thin, some flavor of Asian, and Axel almost shoved him over as he barreled his way into the small but nicely decorated room. He shut the door hard behind himself.

Roxas' back was to him, completely nude, and he was rambling on about how he wasn't taking another client right away, so if he could please leave and talk to the manager about his money...

He never did get to finish, because Axel's gentle hands turned him around and pulled the blond into his chest, tears falling into flaxen hair and kissing every inch of skin available to him. The blond froze, completely stiff, not even breathing, as if moving would shatter the redhead holding him like a half-remembered dream. A soft voice, the barest breath of a name-

"_Axel_?" And the blond collapsed, knees giving way, nude and sticky body being held up by nothing but Axel's arms. The redhead set his shocked love on the edge of the bed, kneeling on the floor between his legs and cupping his face.

"Roxas..._Roxas_..." Axel clung to him, his forehead pressed against the shorter man's sternum, trying so, _so_ hard to quell the body wracking sobs. Slowly, Roxas lifted his arms around the redhead's neck, buried his hands and face in that ridiculous shock of red hair, tightening his thighs to squeeze the other man's sides.

Axel kissed Roxas' neck, stroked skin and limbs that were wore out from use.

"How...how did you _find_ me?" Roxas whispered, still shocked into disbelief, voice hoarse and breaking further from crying. Axel made a noise, a shaking, desperate hybrid of a laugh and a sob, almost hysterical.

"Fuck, babe, I've been _searching_ for you. You have no idea how hard it was, despite the fact that there are practically zero blond dudes hanging around. Especially in the 'tourist off season'." Axel forced his words to be light hearted, but the way his voice cracked made it seem clingy and terrified of loss. Both men were trembling, grasping desperately at each other.

"Don't ever, _ever_ leave me like this again. Don't even _think_ about it, Rox," Axel whispered into the flaxen man's ear, nails slightly digging into skin to illustrate his point. Roxas pushed the man back, holding him by the shoulders at arms length.

"How could you have wanted me after what I did to you? After _this_? It's not like I've been sitting in this room wondering about the world, Axel, I've been fucking people. Random fucking dudes who can pay enough, anyone."

"Whispering my name as you come..." Axel reached out, brushed a thumb against a quivering lower lip, Roxas' blush nearly lighting up the room.

"Only...only when they don't s-speak English..." He said, looking down at his thighs, still slick with activity.

"Really, Roxas, you didn't have to come all the way to freaking _Thailand_. If you needed some time, you could have just told me so." Axel said, his trademark teasing seeping back into his words. Roxas clenched his fists, furrowing his golden brow in confusion and frustration.

"Axel, I _cheated on you_! Why do you still _want_ me, how can you love me at all?" Roxas shouted, fresh tears staining his cheeks. Axel cupped the blond's neck, leaning forward so their foreheads were touching.

"I know you did, babe. And I knew you would. We both did. As much as I don't want to share you with anyone, I know I have to. Why do you keep blaming yourself for something that isn't even remotely your fault? W-why do you keep u-underestimating my love for you?" Blue, bloodshot eyes locked onto green before closing due to the collision of lips and teeth and tongue. Roxas kissed Axel like he was suffocating, like he was _dying_, like he was in_ love _and kissing Axel was the only thing he was ever meant to do.

~x~

Nineteen days later found Roxas clear of any bruises, scratches, or other signs of misdemeanor, including disease, as he used a handful of magnets to hang his negative STD tests on the fridge for Axel to find later, when he got home from work.

Roxas was living with Axel, seeing as he had sold everything when he left to Thailand. Which was okay, because, before certain events, they were practically living together anyway. This just saved on rent.

Axel was gone most days within his first week back. He quit his job, explaining to his boss that he couldn't leave his significant other for such long intervals every month, due to mental instability (though he would _never_ tell Roxas the excuse he gave them). The man seemed upset to lose such a talented writer, but he wrote out a beaming letter of reference for him that day before putting out a 'help wanted' ad immediately. Axel set out on a quest to find a new writing job as soon as he could photocopy his reference letter and print out resumes, and within a week had obtained a job writing articles for a Popular Art reviewing magazine. Visual art, music, movies; he'd look (or watch), write an article every week, and e-mail it from the apartment, for not much less than what he made spending weeks in tropical tourist traps.

Roxas continued to work at the bookstore, his boss gladly giving his job back if only it meant he didn't need to deal with Zexion and his near constant bitching.

And all of this led to Roxas, laying on the couch, hands shoved behind his head, and counting down the minutes to when Axel got home. His skin was twitching and his hands were shaking with the effort he was exerting to not touch himself or think about anything remotely sexual. After years of constant sexual activity, cutting off cold turkey for _nineteen days_ had Roxas dealing with the most severe case of blue balls imaginable.

Said blue balls had Roxas griping at a fairly steady rate, which had Axel on near perpetual tease-mode. Whether it was peppering conversation with sexual implications, or barely there touches while they cooked dinner together, or the way he would _stretch_ when he got out of bed in the morning, hooking his arms behind his head and cocking his hips to the side; Roxas was usually sporting a half-mast boner throughout the day.

Axel teased him mercilessly, telling him to just wank it in the shower, but Roxas refused. Roxas had been lucky enough to not have a run in with any incurable diseases _before_ going to Thailand. Though he had a strict condom use policy, he would be lucky to get away from Thailand unscathed, AIDS being his first and foremost concern. Any chance that he could get Axel sick had Roxas on cock lockdown, insisting on not letting any of his spunk near the man at _all_. No touching himself, no letting Axel touch him (other than the odd brush by), and as an even further precaution, he was wearing boxers and heavy sweatpants to bed. Axel had laughed himself silly and called them Roxas' 'Wet Dream Insurance'.

They kissed and cuddled a lot, though. Roxas had tried to refuse even making out, because of herpes possibilities, but Axel had pointed out that they had already had a heated tongue tangling session in that cursed room in the Happy Boys Bar. Axel didn't care that it was like they were in middle school and finally going steady, he had _missed_ Roxas and he wanted the boy in any way he could have him. They would lay around and kiss for _hours_, long, wet, hot kisses with too much tongue and not enough groping. Roxas jumped at every opportunity, despite the unfortunate circumstances he would put himself into if it got too hot. He would almost be in pain, squeezing his eyes shut and trying to plead his erection away while Axel would knowingly excuse himself to the bathroom, turning the shower on and letting his groans echo across the tiles and into Roxas' head, just to force him to grind his teeth and bite his nails into his palms.

However, all of that was going to change, because the door just opened, letting a tall redhead breeze into the apartment, fresh from the Leonardo DaVinci and Visceral Bodies exhibition at one of the art galleries with a clip board covered in quickly jotted notes. Roxas forced himself to stay on the couch, exchanging pleasantries from there while the redhead bustled around, throwing the notes on his desk beside his laptop, yanking his Converse off, unwinding the scarf from his neck and dropping it on Roxas' face over the back of the couch.

Most of the motion died, however, when he walked into the kitchen. Roxas heard the magnets clatter to the ground, paper rustling, and he was helpless against the smirk blooming on his face as he hoisted himself off the couch and leaned against the breakfast bar, watching Axel as his eyes flew across the papers. Finally, Axel set the results aside, hands shaking ever so slightly.

"Rox," was all he got out of his mouth before the blond vaulted over the counter, crashing into the taller man and shoving him against the nearest hard surface. Lips caught, and Roxas found himself getting the breath kissed out of him, not that it stopped him in the least. Hands yanked at clothes and hair and cock until they had made a nice trail all the way to the bedroom, clambering onto the bed. Roxas shuffled back against the pillows and opened his legs, grabbing Axel's shoulders and pulling him until the redhead dropped himself between the blond's knees and ground his hips down _hard_, again and again until Roxas jerked and cried out and came onto his stomach like he was fourteen. After the initial bliss, Roxas opened his eyes wide and Axel was terribly surprised to see tears building up.

"I-I'm sorry! I d-didn't mean to, I just c-couldn't hold-" Axel cut him off with a quick, hard kiss, stroking his hair.

"Don't stress, babe, it's fine. I'm just happy to know I can still get you off," Axel teased, quirking one eyebrow. Roxas' teary eyes immediately switched to a watery, yet playful glare as he punched the taller man in the shoulder.

"Obviously, you tool." Axel laughed, making the corners of Roxas' lips twitch up.

"Ah, you wound me. See how quickly you went from upset to abusive?" Axel paused, but quickly went on to avoid any more violence. "Anyway, how are we going to do this?" Roxas had moved to kissing Axel's neck, mouthing invisible words into his collarbone, running his hands up his spine and into his hair and back down again. He could feel Axel hot and hard and so very, very ready against his stomach, he could feel his mouth going dry at the thought of it after such a long time. Roxas bit down on a tendon and squeezed his thighs together.

"You are going to fuck me dead. If I'm _not_ unconscious after this, I am going to be rather disappointed in you." Axel's smile turned wolfish, and he leaned over to the drawer in the nightside table. He grabbed a half full bottle of lube, and continued to root around for a condom before Roxas stilled his arm.

"No," the blond said quietly, and Axel's arm went limp, turning to Roxas so fast his neck cracked.

"No?" Axel asked, voice tight, brows pulled up in the center. Roxas kissed the corner of his mouth, and his face relaxed slightly.

"No condoms," he whispered against his lips, sucking the bottom lip into his mouth. Axel still didn't move his arm.

"Are...are you sure?" He asked, breathless, and Roxas nodded, hiding his suddenly flaming cheeks in the crook of the redhead's neck. Axel wanted to tease him, something along the lines of _Awe, Rox, you being shy?_ but he couldn't even think when Roxas looked him in the eyes and spoke again.

"I want all of you inside me, Ax. I love you." Axel's hands started shaking again, he hadn't had Roxas for _so long_, and Roxas could feel him grow against his belly. His features schooled themselves into a devilish expression.

"Axel, you fucking sap, I can't believe you got harder over _that_," Roxas said, laughing lowly and reaching down to toy with his lover's arousal. Axel groaned when Roxas fucked him with a tight, rough fist, dropping his head to lay on the blond's shoulder.

"You are so fucking gay, you know that?" Roxas said, words harsh but voice soft, bordering tender, and Axel snorted.

"You're the one with some other-ah! Oh, shit...other guy's cock in your hands, babe." Roxas rolled his eyes, grinning, and bit the shell of Axel's ear, kissing the skin behind it. He ran his thumbnail under the glans before pushing the pad of his thumb into the slit while squeezing hard at the base, and he could feel Axel twitching hard in his hands.

"Mm, and apparently I'm good with them, too," Roxas mumbled into Axel's ear, who was breathing heavily and holding back lusty whines to the best of his ability.

"Rox, gotta stop, else I'll-" Axel cut himself off with a sharp breath, and moments later came into Roxas' hands, the blond grinning as Axel slumped onto his body. Roxas wiped his hands off on the sheets before wrapping his arms around Axel, stroking the small of his back and running finger tips over the swell of his ass.

"You good?" Roxas asked, kissing his temple.

"Yeah, that was nice. Wasn't exactly how I wanted to go, though," Axel stated into Roxas' neck, nibbling at the skin there. Roxas let a tone of false annoyance creep into his voice.

"Are you saying you're not happy with me?" Roxas paused long enough to enjoy the way Axel's body stiffened. "Well, then. I guess I'll just have to...rile you up again," he finished, pushing Axel back, forced him to sit between his ankles before laying back into the pillows and running his hands up the insides of his thighs. He watched Axel swallow, eyes following his hands with careful accuracy. Roxas traced his own body with his finger tips, eyes roving over Axel's face and body for reactions. He stopped one hand on his stomach, let Axel's eyes follow one hand up, a finger tip circling a nipple, a nail scratching it, pinching, and then up, to shove three fingers in his own mouth. The hand not under such close scrutiny was playing over his hardening dick when he reached his other hand down and shoved a spit covered digit inside himself to the knuckle. Wide, glassy green eyes watched him, breath quickening and hands moving to cup his still flaccid penis.

"Shit, Rox, I think that this is gonna be the fastest I'll have ever recovered. Ever. Including when I was 18 and decided I would train for the Sex Olympics." Axel was babbling. Roxas smirked and pushed the second finger inside himself, moving his hips slightly to adjust himself, and started pumping and scissoring himself, letting soft noises leave his throat. Axel babbling was the only indicator that he was going to lose control soon. His hands started moving by the time Roxas tipped his head back and introduced the third finger to his entrance, and when Roxas looked back down his body, Axel was already half hard.

"God, babe, you are so fucking sexy...I want you _so bad_, Rox..." Axel moved his hands to Roxas' ankles, walking fingers up his calves and slowly rubbing behind his knees, dropping chaste kisses on his thighs. The redhead scrabbled for the bottle of lube, generously coating his own length before he touched the smaller man's wrist lightly, pulling Roxas' hand away and replacing it with his own. Roxas arched his back, one hand playing over neglected nipples while the other splayed across his toned stomach, kneading lightly at the skin. Axel hooked a finger and brushed it over an area that he had long ago memorized, Roxas letting out a long, low groan. He ran a firm hand over Roxas' fully hard length before taking the head into his mouth, sucking and flicking his tongue over the tip.

"So much better when it's you, Ax..." Roxas whispered, keening quietly and rocking his hips into Axel's hands. The older man's slick tongue swirled over soft, slightly salty flesh, opening his throat and working his way down until his nose brushed coarse, sparse blond hairs. He hollowed his cheeks and sucked hard on the way up, letting the blond's dick out of his mouth with a slight pop, and Roxas' hand ran through his hair roughly.

"That-that's enough," Roxas choked out, voice husky and tight. "I want you in me _now_, Axel." The man in question groaned, turned the blond onto his side, lifting Roxas' left leg onto his own shoulder and shuffling forward until he was at the base of a 90 degree angle, cock pressed hot against Roxas' inner thigh. He adjusted his knees straddling Roxas' other thigh, tense and muscles hard from anticipation, and grabbed the head of his dick, guiding it to Roxas' slightly softened hole and sliding in gently. Axel kissed his calves, licked underneath his knees, ran his fingers over soft balls to distract Roxas from the slight sting, but the moment he was completely sheathed in his lover, the man fucked his hips back onto him and moaned.

Axel let a half grin light up his face before pulling his hips back and snapping them forward, finding a quick rhythm and squeezing a hot hand around a hot cock, tugging lightly at it, teasing. Roxas let out tiny, barely heard noises, pressing his face into the pillow, reaching down his body to let his fingers brush the redhead's skin.

"Faster, Ax..." The blond choked out, making Axel bite at his leg and squeeze at his dick and almost double his speed. Roxas clenched his muscles, just slightly, and Axel knew he was done for. He moved his hips, angling them while thrusting, faster than before, but shallower, brushing up against a barely stimulated prostrate before slamming into it. Roxas tripped over his breath, letting out a moan that was almost a shout. Axel's hand on Roxas' length grew erratic, jerking fast and squeezing and stopping to press fingers into the head while Roxas squeezed around him, making his breath ragged and he knew that he was going to come.

He slammed his hips into the blond, fast and hard and slick, and the blond reached far enough to dig fingernails into a muscled waist, moaning and tugging one nipple. The shorter man tried to meet Axel's thrusts with his own, but the position left Roxas panting and powerless, writhing underneath while Axel quickly brought him to the edge, tipping him over with a well timed squeeze up his length. Roxas curled in, shuddering, shooting white onto dark bed sheets, crying out while his hands scrabbled for purchase on Axel's torso. As for Axel, he almost hadn't made it, biting his lip until it bled, trying to force Roxas' orgasm before he fell headfirst down with him, filling the blond up. The redhead collapsed beside his lover, arms wrapping tight around him, burying his face in flaxen hair and sighing. Axel peacefully dozed off until a snort jerked him awake, looking into a smirking face with a cocked eyebrow.

"I don't think I'm unconscious, Ax, you're losing your touch," the blond teased, fighting to keep his smirk but losing it to a grin. Axel moved to kiss his jawline, mouthing over the skin.

"I didn't say I was done with you yet," Axel muttered, reaching down to press a finger into Roxas' loosened hole and almost starting when something gushed out around it. He pulled back his hand, looking at it in amazement.

"Shit, I came a lot, didn't I?" Axel wondered aloud, making the blond laugh. Axel's eyes lit up, curious as always, and he pulled back, tipping Roxas onto his back and spreading his legs just to see some of his own juices gush out. Axel's eyes went wide and he moved his hands again, pressing a finger against a wet entrance and watching lube and come dribble out, an almost transparent, cloudy white.

Something in Axel's stomach lit on _fire_, and he lifted his face to look at Roxas, who looked sated and happy and a little bit confused.

"God, Rox, I've seen some sexy things in my time, but I think that this is about the sexiest," Axel breathed, rubbing liquid into Roxas' skin. Roxas laughed, but when he looked down his body again, Axel was half way hard again, and Roxas swallowed, eyes widening fractionally. Axel was slowly pumping himself, running a large, warm hand up Roxas' torso, cupping his face with sticky fingers as he bridged over the blond and dove in for a kiss, immediately deepening it. Roxas skin broke out in goosebumps as Axel moved a hand to stroke at Roxas' slowly hardening member, breaking their kiss.

"Can we? Again?" Axel almost pleaded, the head of his erection catching on Roxas' belly button, pulling his lip into his mouth again. Roxas brushed his nose against the redhead's, kissing his jaw before letting a smirk creep back onto his face.

"So soon, baby?" Roxas teased, despite the hot fingers running over his hardening flesh. "You are gonna wear me _out_."

"Mm, but isn't that was you asked me for?" Axel murmured into his neck, dragging his newly hardened cock across Roxas', raising a knowing eyebrow when he felt the blond jolt beneath him. "Rox?" The blond sucked in a breath, hips lifting to meet Axel's.

"Yes...again," he demanded, and Axel grinned into the kiss he planted on the blond's lips. Axel was pushed back onto his knees, the lube retrieved from the foot of the bed and shoved into his hands. Axel slicked his length again, and looked up to see that Roxas had switched positions. He had his knees folded beneath him, chest against the bed, red face peeking out from between rumpled sheets and golden hair, ass high in the air. Axel stopped, cheeks turning half a shade darker, enjoying the view with his dick in his hands.

"Axel, I swear to fucking God that if you don't fuck me right now..." Roxas didn't get to finish his threat, because Axel was thrusting into him, _hard_, rocking him forward and gripping his hips until they stung. There were no soft beginnings; Axel was pounding into his body like it was the last thing he'd do, bending over the blond's torso to bite at soft skin before pulling himself back up and _slamming_ into him. Roxas wrapped around his dick, enough lube and come to make things slick, but friction _seared_ across his length, making him thrust faster, pulling Roxas' hips back to meet him when the blond didn't move fast enough and _groaning_. Roxas was moaning, loud and pleading, only breaking it to whimper or curse or say Axel's name. Roxas moved one of the arms holding him up, lacing his fingers through the digits gripping his skin like he would fall off the world if he let go. Roxas cock twitched hard, back and forth, the underside of Axel's length raking across his prostate with every thrust. The redhead loosened his grip on the blond, slowing his thrusts considerably, and held his lover's cheeks open with his thumbs, watching his cock slide in and out, choking back a whimper at the sight. Roxas impaled himself on Axel's cock, pushing his hips back when it got too slow.

"Fucking...faster...Axel!" He ground out between pants, and Axel doubled, _tripled _his efforts, working himself into hot, tight flesh. He kept the wild pace, hips jerking erratically, his balls slapping against Roxas'. He leaned forward, taking Roxas' length in his hand, squeezing and pulling hard, breathing heavily against Roxas' skin. The blond's length was positively _dripping_, weeping across Axel's fingers, and Roxas' moans reached a higher pitch.

"Axel! Ax...shit, I'm...gonna come, if you...keep...shit! Fuck, Axel...c-" Roxas' came on Axel's hand, who then squeezed Roxas' cock from base to head. The redhead chuckled deep in his throat.

"Is that all you got for me, babe?" He all but growled into Roxas ear, tenderly sucking on an earlobe as he plowed into the blond. Roxas turned his head, dreamily kissed his jaw with half lidded, fucked out eyes.

"That's all that's left, Ax," he murmured, before clenching down, tight, making Axel's breath stutter as he came deep inside, his thrusting slowed immediately as Roxas' muscles drew out his orgasm. The taller man pulled out slowly, flopping beside Roxas, pulling them chest to chest. Roxas tucked his flaxen head underneath Axel's chin, kissing his chest and clavicles lazily, while Axel wrapped his arms around his back and lightly squeezed. Before he could get overly comfortable, Axel sat up and grabbed the corner of the sheet that had managed to stay on the bed in all the activity, pulling on it and draping it over the two of them. Axel lay back down, tugging Roxas half on top of him to rest his blond head on his chest, one hand behind his head with the other around Roxas' waist.

"Love you, Ax," Roxas whispered, nuzzling his face into the taller man's sternum. Axel kissed his golden strands, rubbing circles into the warm skin of Roxas' hip with his thumb.

"Love you, too, babe." A light, sleepy silence fell over the two, Axel sighing in content. Roxas moved his arm to pet at the skin at Axel's side, glancing up to see green, green eyes, heavily lidded with sleep and satiation.

"Missed you, Rox," he murmured, a tiny smile curving his lips up. Roxas kissed the man's chest and fidgeted, presumably with discomfort. The smile on Axel's lips quickly turned into a grimace, hand traversing Roxas' torso until his fingers were stroking the boys ass.

"Sorry, babe, got a little carried away, I guess." Axel's voice was apologetic, and Roxas just hummed, not trusting his voice. Axel's brows furrowed. By this time, Roxas would usually be teasing him about being a beast, or calling him 'Jackhammer', but the boy just laid, open eyed, twitching his hips away-

Oh. _Oh_. Axel's realization came with a grin and a burst of energy that came completely out of left field. Axel slid the hand that was previously knotted in his own hair down to touch Roxas' already _quite_ hard length, taking in the blond's sheepish smile and touching their foreheads together before letting out a weak chuckle.

"Apparently we're still not done, huh?" Axel asked, quietly teasing the blond while pressing his fingertips into damp, hard flesh darkening with blood. Roxas' face was slightly pink when he buried it in Axel's shoulder, biting lightly at the column of his neck. Roxas' demand of 'again' was guttural and muffled against the redhead's pale skin.

Axel just shook his head, smiling at his little blond lover before turning him on his side, Roxas' back to his chest. He lifted the smaller man's leg, ghosting his lips over the shell of his ear to ask if he hurt in that position. Roxas gave a pained shake of his head, biting his lip.

"Don't lie to me, Rox," Axel said softly, sighing as he gently put his leg down. The redhead turned Roxas onto his other side, facing him, and pulled his top leg so his thigh draped over Axel, foot resting on the mattress.

"How about this?" His reply came in the form of an eager nod and gasp as Axel squeezed Roxas' length. Axel went to grab the lube from the floor when Roxas stopped him with a surprisingly strong grip.

"Don't. I'm still wet, from you. You could just push forward a bit and - Ah!" Roxas stopped as the head of Axel's cock caught in his opening, pushing forward, slowly, so slowly. Roxas shivered and wrapped his arms around the redhead, loosely clinging. Axel pressed in by tiny degrees, making Roxas' already shaking limbs tremble.

"God, babe, you're so gorgeous," Axel whispered, nose pressed into flaxen hair and slowly, slowly shifting his hips, barely pressing in and out. Roxas' hands curled around the taller man's jaw, pushing his face and meeting his eyes. He slid his fingers into that red, red hair, clenching his hands, arms resting on sculpted shoulders. They fell into each other, feeling each other through the miniscule rolling of hips and clinging limbs and long, sloppy kisses and the upward spiral to thrumming climax. The held tightly to one another, panting between whispered declarations of love and teasing and laughter.

Axel tugged the blond up into his arms, helped him for the seven steps to the bathroom, into the shower. They sat on the floor of the shower, back to chest, legs tangled, fingers running over skin wet from the spray of hot water. Sweat and semen and lube ran off exhausted, satiated bodies, low chuckles and murmurs echoing through the shower and muffled by the steam. Movement again, the slow journey back to the bed, still damp, but clean. Axel ripped off the sheets, forcing a clean sheet onto the mattress, but not bothering with the top one. Collective collapse onto a fresh bed, semen stained bedding crumpled at the foot, on the floor. Shivers, skin sliding against damp skin in an effort to _touch_, a grasp at _warmth_.

And finally, _finally_, peace and sleep and _love_. In the quiet of the room, under the warmth of blankets and the body laying next to him, Roxas was sure he could hear their hearts beating in time.

usually three pages

my _words_, **constructed**.

best thing i _ever_ had,

my _windows_ were **soul**

shaped.

_our_ windows were _**bird**_

shaped & our _tin_

cans had wings; they

_took__**flight**_ with all

our secrets, all our

_mystery_.

a map to my _anatomy_,

a wing, an _**alveoli**_, last

_moments_ thought


End file.
